I'm the greatest DECEIVER...

Dear GOD,

I'm so upset today... Actually, I've been upset for the past 4 years. The thing is, sometimes I'm so busy with so many activities that I get engaged with just to try to hide all my sadness and disappointment with life that all the pain seems to be sleeping... But the it does remais inside... That's why I always try to find some new thing for me to do, so that I can use or waste this time productively and I don't need to think about You...
I'm really disappointed with You, I must confess... You promised me You would give me Eternal Life, but I don't see it! And worse, I don't feel like looking for it anymore! What happened to that little girl who used to dream about heaven and being close to You?What happened to that girl who used to spend hours and hours in your Presence, seeking for more of You, of your Truth and Freedom? Whatever happened to her?

Well, I can surely say that that girl no longer exists... She's DEAD right now...

I'm so depressed, I'm so hopeless! I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel! I just don't see a way in which I could return to your Presence!
I've been searching for things and moments that were supposed to bring me HAPPINESS and fulfilling, and I occasionally find one thing OR another, never both at the same time... But then, after a while, which could last minutes or days, they simply vanish from my sight and suddenly I realize I'm all alone again! I have been looking for happiness on so many different things!
On my job, on my studies, on my family, on my friends, on parties, on travels, on shopping and principally on my boyfriend... When I'm with him, things are usually perfect. He seems to fulfill all the emptiness inside my heart... But at times, when I look at him, I realize he's as lost as I am, he just doesn't have the guts to confess that he's as empty as I am.... He's such a deceiver! (But who am I to say it, right?) He's always playing cool, like, nothing worries him! But deep down inside, I know he's also desperate!

Yes, God, we're all desperate for LIFE! Because DEATH seems to hound us all the time, prowling around us like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. And I'm very scared, very very scared... Because when I feel Death like this, so close to me, I just feel like throwing myself into Your arms, so that You will cover me and protect me from all evil and cruelty of this world...
The thing is, I cannot find you anymore, I've been away for so long that I don't even know how to start my journey back into Your House...
I'm the greatest Deceiver.... Because in front of everyone else, I'm the strongest and most balanced human being in the world. I do my best to show everyone that I love my job, my family, my life. When I go out at night, I have so much fun! I drink, I dance, I die inside...But on the outside, I'm smiling!

Dear God, I beg for your Eternal Mercy upon my life, I need to go back, but I just don't know HOW! I really mean it, I wish that FIRE that once burnt into my heart would light up again just like that, and I wish that that FIRE that once consumed my heart would keep me chasing your Presence! But THAT fire now is so EXTINGUISHED, there's not even a sparkle left...

So, my Dear GOD, I beg you to BRING ME BACK INTO YOUR PRESENCE, just like Peter realized that You are the only one who has the words that give eternal life, so, where else could I go?

You're the only one that fulfills all my dark fears and the growing emptiness of my soul, You're the only one who makes me smile like a naive child, YOU're the only one who can resurrect my rotten being, so please, come and draw me near You once again, because I love You, even being so away....

PLEASE, DON'T GIVE UP ON ME!

Love,

Your daughter Andy

"Então disse Jesus aos doze: Quereis vós também retirar-vos?
Respondeu-lhe, pois, Simão Pedro: Senhor, para quem iremos nós? Tu tens as palavras da vida eterna." João 6:67 e 68