Confessions

Dear God,
I'm so sad today, I just feel like crying all the time.
Why is it that she has to suffer? Why is that? It kills me to see her crying, mourning, you know? Why is it that You didn't make us with a sort of power that would absorb the pain others so that we could suffer instead of this person? It would be so much easier, I would gladly suffer for her, in her place! She's so tiny, so innocent, so helpless! Why is that that there's nothing I can do to take her pain away? I know, I do whatever I can to try to distract her from the pain, but then again, when she remembers it, she keeps crying and my heart gets so broken!
Why is it, God, it would have been so much easier if you had created us with this pain-reliever mechanism!
And I feel so weak, because I know that she's not seriously sick, and still, I can't take it! I'm the weakest of all human beings! I wish I were stronger, so that I could go ahead, go to work like nothing was happening.
But that's not the case...
Is this how You feel too when you see me suffering? Honestly, sometimes I really think You don't care... But who am I to assume such a thing? Your Word tells us about all promises You've made for those who love You, and everything You did so that we could have a relationship again... I cannot fathom what You must have felt to see your son on that cross... Actually, I don't want to think about it, because it's too much for me, I feel so angry to see a little kid offending my little girl!
How did You feel? How did You stand it? Why didn't You destroy everything and take your little baby in Your arms so that You could hold him and take care of him?
How can You be so strong? How old are you? Why did you allow your only and perfect son to come to Earth and suffer and die for us, disgusting human beings? We're so not worth it! We're so ungrateful!
Please God, teach me Your secret to stand watching your son in pain! My mother has always told me this: "The greatest pain in the world is the pain of your son/daughter". And I totally understand now. I do understand now. I understand now.
I understand that Jesus loved us so much that He prefered to die instead of us. He preferred to be mocked and humiliated instead of us, because You wouldn't be able to see the entire mankind away from You forever! So, Jesus loved You and obeyed You and did everything He did for those who love Him and also for those who don't.
Father, Father, please, teach me, I need your strength! I need your power to be a strong woman, a strong mother, a strong daughter, a strong wife, a strong friend.
I NEED YOUR LOVE, please, reveal Yourself to me in a deeper way! I need to know You better! Draw me nearer!
Don't give up on me...
Your daughter,

Andy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExCJHQCTh9g